A guy that I used to know.

A guy that I used to know.

There was a guy that I used to know…I had a massive crush on him for years. We were best friends – or so I thought at least – but best friends don’t manipulate, use you, come to you in times of need, consider you a back-up plan and an ego-boost.

It hurts when someone means so much to you, but all you are to them is an option – and eventually just another face in the crowd.

I was always his go-to girl: he’d come to me when he needed help in school, when there was an assignment that he didn’t want to do, when he needed someone to boost his confidence and ego, when he needed to make his girlfriends jealous. Supposedly we were best friends, but we’d talk to one another the most when he was single. His girlfriends always hated me because he always told them he used to like him and that I still do. To them I was always a threat: the other girl. He got a kick out of using me to make his girlfriends jealous, he though jealousy exists where love does and that their jealousy was proof of their love for him. Pretty sickening, I know.

I was probably the reason he even passed high school – must I elaborate?

He said he never wanted to date me because relationships always come to an end, but one day we would get married. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t believe him sometimes…and then reality set in. When you love and trust someone you give them the benefit of the doubt even when they don’t deserve it. When your mind starts to send you warning signs you ignore them and convince yourself and when you’re not convinced and have every reason to stay, there is always that one reason that keeps you from letting go.

I was naive. I let his lies govern me. At one point in my life I started comparing myself to his girlfriends, deliberating why it was them and not me. In hindsight, I turned out to be the lucky one.

His dad always told him, “never put all your eggs in the same basket”, and to him that meant having multiple girlfriends of course – what a pitiable perspective.

He’s just a fragment of the past now…and people like that don’t deserve to make it to your future. I like to think it’s his loss though. I always told him he’d regret losing me.

I lost faith in relationships for a long time…it’s sad you always meet the good guy last, when you’re all torn up and broken. Maybe it’s because they have the ability to fix us and give us hope again…I’m well into my life my now, and happily married.

I did learn from the past, regardless of how painful it has been. You should never let anyone make you feel less than what you are. We all deserve nothing but the best and none of us should be an option or number two to anyone.

I learnt I’d rather be just another face in the crowd then be anything than number one, the one to someone.